Ultimate surrender
When you said,
- Could you just reach down
And feel how wet I am,
When I was,
In fact,
Imagining some other scenario
And responded,
- Not yet
Then woke up with you on my lap
(No!)
Ok.
Intimate stranger,
When you climbed on top of me
- What are you doing up there?
I laughed
- Playing
You said, eyes barely open from sleep
And finally
I was right there
In your departure lounge
Sending you off
With rain falling just for us
No clean clothes but the morning sunshine,
Knowing, and fierce trust
And then
- Guys, I think I’m on the Spectrum
And then
- I think I’ve actually run out of time
And then —————————-
And I can count the nights I was actually able
To find sleep with you
In between all the stories we had to tell
One
Beginning to bleed,
Our first night together,
After biting you on the shoulder.
Hours later we rolled in random directions
And your right buttock somehow found
My upturned inside out right hand
Over the joining of your two single beds;
Two
Somewhere on a cloud
In your threadbare winter sheet and silver grey wool blanket
After I made you make me
- Come so hard I cried!
Smiling to see you having
Your experience of another woman’s bliss for the first time;
Three
For about seven drooling unhinged minutes
When you patted your heart
And invited me to just
- Come sleep here on top of me
And I flopped, full frontal
From the exertion
Before I realised
I had to reach over to switch off the bedside lamp;
Four
Every single night
For five weeks
In France, Germany and England,
(Bar the one night in Flensburg when
I could not bear my father’s snoring)
Thinking of the miracle of you
Wondering where you were
When, where in the world was I?
Five
Aye, there were those grasping sliding shining arms glory nights
Of legs, shoulder blades, breath and bellies folded just right
Small hands in big hands
Holding our perfect puzzle piece bodies in sleeping asymmetry
It was usually your snoring that shook me from slumber
Always, always smiling at the miracle of you
Being there
Next to me
New forms of meditation were born on those sleepless nights
All of my years meeting all of yours
Our lives making sense of themselves
Inside the shimmer of shared dreamscape
And always off you went
In full safety and comfort
And always I stayed,
Happy to be able to give you that
We were a richly wrapped birthday present
We ripped open together on Xmas eve
And desperately, urgently relished
- Queen
I greeted you on that last day
- And You
You replied
